What am I doing here (Written April, 2016)
I came here, 10 states away from home, in August. I was full of excitement, full of dreams, full of passions, full of hope. Now, it's April and I'm sucked dry. I want to go home. I don't care about getting my Master's degree. I am not enjoying life. I don't like it here. I feel like an Israelite wandering through the desert and I've lost sight of how I got here and where I am going. I can't see my purpose. I am living life as a victim. Why is this happening? Well, I got dumped, rejected, kicked to the curb by the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I put all my eggs in that basket and lost sight of my own dreams...now, he and my dreams are gone and I don't want to go on anymore.
The truth is...
The Lord brought me to Ohio.
The Lord has called me to be a Dietitian.
The Lord has brought me to live in this home.
The Lord is good.
The Lord has never left me nor forsaken me.
The Lord has given me a safe place to live.
The Lord has given me wonderful opportunities to learn and grow.
The Lord has given me a great gym to workout at.
The Lord has given me good professors who are passionate.
The Lord has brought lots of people in my life who care about me.
The Lord has given me time to do my homework.
The Lord has a plan for my life.
The Lord loves me, unconditionally.
The Lord lifts my head.
The Lord catches my tears.
The Lord is faithful.
The Lord sees.
The Lord knows.
The Lord is teaching me through the difficult things.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Attack on a 20-something-year-old's identity
Identity Attack (Written May, 2016)
I am in the middle of a Donald Miller book and I must say, his writing inspires me to write. And I don't get inspired to write very often. It's the honesty. I soak thatshit up.
Anyway, I realize that I am having such a difficult time in life right now because my identity has been consistently attacked the whole time I've been in Ohio. And I know I'm not alone in the struggle, being in my twenties, figuring out my purpose in life, and wrestling between hope and doubt for my future.
It seems that the majority of my peers in their mid-20's are feeling like they are being knocked down, struggling to figure out life, facing discouragement about the difficulty of life, and finding deep disappointment in what life has become and in where they seem to be headed. And I wonder...could it be that the mid-20's is an opportune time for the enemy to attack? Maybe identity is the enemy's number one target for us young adults...young, excited, full-of-potential adults who possess God-given passions, talents and gifts to make an impact for His kingdom on earth...but not if our identity is wounded, forgotten, or stolen.
Jesus began his ministry when he was around 30 years old (Luke 3:23). The enemy came after him just prior to this time because it was "an opportune time." The enemy has the same tactics today, and we cannot ignore them by looking at this time in our lives simply as "a difficult time that will pass."
Bringing Lies into the Light
Lies have been thrown at me through every life situation I have experienced during my Ohio adventure.
Situation 1: Group Project
First, I think of Fall Semester when I had this huge group project, which haunts me to this day. This project required a TON of time, thought and effort. I mean, what did I expect, I'm in grad school for crying out loud! But, I was unprepared and regretfully unwilling to put in the "unjust" work requirement for the project. So, I chose to place greater investment in something else...a romantic relationship...that didn't last.
The Lies:
The lies thrown at me through this situation are...I'm a failure...I'm indebted to other people for doing my share of the work...I cut corners...I use my Christianity and my smile to breeze through without doing anything meaningful...I don't care....I think an "apology" will make it all better...
Situation 2: Living Situation
Living with a married couple who invited me into their family and did more for me than I could repay.
The Lies:
The lies are...I don't contribute...I don't love...I'm selfish....I don't care...I don't work hard...I'm uninteresting...I'm a taker rather than a giver....
Situation 3: My Prior Relationship
Love and loss.
The Lies:
The lies are...the real me isn't enough...not even isn't enough but isn't desirable...my stress and anxiety are too much of a burden for anyone...I shouldn't put anyone through that...
Situation 4: Clinical Rotation
The lies are...I'm dumb...I'm slow...I couldn't handle having a full patient load in a hospital...
Situation 5: Friendships
The lies are...I take more than I give...I expect others to do everything...
Situation 6: WIC rotation
The lies are, I can't connect with people....I'm too timid to be a competent counselor...
Situation 7: FS rotation
The lies are, I'm timid...I'm lazy...I'm afraid...I'm quiet...I don't take initiative...I don't care...
LORD, speak truth over me. I'm desperate for Your truth to penetrate each and every one of these lies that is thrown at me daily.
What is the truth?
I am bold as a lion.
I possess a gentle and quiet spirit.
I am smart.
I am a giver.
I love.
I care.
I am honest.
I work hard.
I take initiative.
I am efficient.
Who I am is enough and it is desirable.
Who I am will change the world for the good.
I have a lot to offer in relationships.
I can connect with people.
I am interesting.
I am successful.
Jesus paid it all.
I am indebted to no one because all things are from HIM.
I may be selfish, afraid, lazy, and uncaring at times but these characteristics are not my identity. My identity is in Jesus Christ, in his death and resurrection. The truth is, I am a sinner but I am no longer defined by my sinful nature. The Father sees me only through His perfect and spotless Son and therefore, I AM perfect and spotless by the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ.
I will not allow the enemy to steal my bright future. I will look to Jesus daily for an "identity check" and be on guard against every scheme of attack on who God has created me to be.
Ask Yourself
What situations in your life is the enemy using to speak a false identity to you? Pin-point the lies and then shatter them with the truth of what God says about you.
I am in the middle of a Donald Miller book and I must say, his writing inspires me to write. And I don't get inspired to write very often. It's the honesty. I soak that
Anyway, I realize that I am having such a difficult time in life right now because my identity has been consistently attacked the whole time I've been in Ohio. And I know I'm not alone in the struggle, being in my twenties, figuring out my purpose in life, and wrestling between hope and doubt for my future.
It seems that the majority of my peers in their mid-20's are feeling like they are being knocked down, struggling to figure out life, facing discouragement about the difficulty of life, and finding deep disappointment in what life has become and in where they seem to be headed. And I wonder...could it be that the mid-20's is an opportune time for the enemy to attack? Maybe identity is the enemy's number one target for us young adults...young, excited, full-of-potential adults who possess God-given passions, talents and gifts to make an impact for His kingdom on earth...but not if our identity is wounded, forgotten, or stolen.
Jesus began his ministry when he was around 30 years old (Luke 3:23). The enemy came after him just prior to this time because it was "an opportune time." The enemy has the same tactics today, and we cannot ignore them by looking at this time in our lives simply as "a difficult time that will pass."
Bringing Lies into the Light
Lies have been thrown at me through every life situation I have experienced during my Ohio adventure.
Situation 1: Group Project
First, I think of Fall Semester when I had this huge group project, which haunts me to this day. This project required a TON of time, thought and effort. I mean, what did I expect, I'm in grad school for crying out loud! But, I was unprepared and regretfully unwilling to put in the "unjust" work requirement for the project. So, I chose to place greater investment in something else...a romantic relationship...that didn't last.
The Lies:
The lies thrown at me through this situation are...I'm a failure...I'm indebted to other people for doing my share of the work...I cut corners...I use my Christianity and my smile to breeze through without doing anything meaningful...I don't care....I think an "apology" will make it all better...
Situation 2: Living Situation
Living with a married couple who invited me into their family and did more for me than I could repay.
The Lies:
The lies are...I don't contribute...I don't love...I'm selfish....I don't care...I don't work hard...I'm uninteresting...I'm a taker rather than a giver....
Situation 3: My Prior Relationship
Love and loss.
The Lies:
The lies are...the real me isn't enough...not even isn't enough but isn't desirable...my stress and anxiety are too much of a burden for anyone...I shouldn't put anyone through that...
Situation 4: Clinical Rotation
The lies are...I'm dumb...I'm slow...I couldn't handle having a full patient load in a hospital...
Situation 5: Friendships
The lies are...I take more than I give...I expect others to do everything...
Situation 6: WIC rotation
The lies are, I can't connect with people....I'm too timid to be a competent counselor...
Situation 7: FS rotation
The lies are, I'm timid...I'm lazy...I'm afraid...I'm quiet...I don't take initiative...I don't care...
LORD, speak truth over me. I'm desperate for Your truth to penetrate each and every one of these lies that is thrown at me daily.
What is the truth?
I am bold as a lion.
I possess a gentle and quiet spirit.
I am smart.
I am a giver.
I love.
I care.
I am honest.
I work hard.
I take initiative.
I am efficient.
Who I am is enough and it is desirable.
Who I am will change the world for the good.
I have a lot to offer in relationships.
I can connect with people.
I am interesting.
I am successful.
Jesus paid it all.
I am indebted to no one because all things are from HIM.
I may be selfish, afraid, lazy, and uncaring at times but these characteristics are not my identity. My identity is in Jesus Christ, in his death and resurrection. The truth is, I am a sinner but I am no longer defined by my sinful nature. The Father sees me only through His perfect and spotless Son and therefore, I AM perfect and spotless by the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ.
I will not allow the enemy to steal my bright future. I will look to Jesus daily for an "identity check" and be on guard against every scheme of attack on who God has created me to be.
Ask Yourself
What situations in your life is the enemy using to speak a false identity to you? Pin-point the lies and then shatter them with the truth of what God says about you.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Dear Broken-hearted,
You are hurting. It's okay to hurt.
It's okay to feel lost and alone. But that doesn't mean that you are.
I love you.
I am with you.
You are going to be okay.
Life is going to be okay.
I am going to help you write this paper.
I am going to help you in your rotations.
I am going to build your friendships.
I am going to restore the devastated places.
I am going to help you forgive yourself
and forgive the man who broke your heart.
I am going to help you with your finances.
I am going to help you get a job.
I am going to bring you a husband who cherishes you
but puts Me first.
I have blessed You.
I will take You where I desire and where you let me.
I will carry you through the storms that come your way.
I love you. I will never stop loving you.
I formed you in your mother's womb.
I brought you into this world for a purpose,
many purposes,
and I am not done with you yet.
I will heal your broken heart.
I will make old things new. I will dry your tears.
I will give you peace and I will fill you with joy.
You are not alone. You will never be alone.
I know you are far away from your friends and family
and I know that is hard for you.
I knew it would not be easy for you.
But I knew you would have to look to me
and depend on me when things got tough.
Look to me, depend on me, lean on me.
I will see you through.
With deep compassion,
JC
It's okay to feel lost and alone. But that doesn't mean that you are.
I love you.
I am with you.
You are going to be okay.
Life is going to be okay.
I am going to help you write this paper.
I am going to help you in your rotations.
I am going to build your friendships.
I am going to restore the devastated places.
I am going to help you forgive yourself
and forgive the man who broke your heart.
I am going to help you with your finances.
I am going to help you get a job.
I am going to bring you a husband who cherishes you
but puts Me first.
I have blessed You.
I will take You where I desire and where you let me.
I will carry you through the storms that come your way.
I love you. I will never stop loving you.
I formed you in your mother's womb.
I brought you into this world for a purpose,
many purposes,
and I am not done with you yet.
I will heal your broken heart.
I will make old things new. I will dry your tears.
I will give you peace and I will fill you with joy.
You are not alone. You will never be alone.
I know you are far away from your friends and family
and I know that is hard for you.
I knew it would not be easy for you.
But I knew you would have to look to me
and depend on me when things got tough.
Look to me, depend on me, lean on me.
I will see you through.
With deep compassion,
JC
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