God's Endless Pursuit

As my years at The House of Charis come to a close, I look back in awe of God's faithfulness in spite of how little I deserved it.  He pursued me when I ran as hard as I could away from Him, in fear of what He could possibly want from me.  He met me broken and alone. He lifted me out of the pit of despair and hopelessness.  He led me even when I was in sin and complete disobedience, full of pride and confusion and selfishness.

I was that girl,
full of fear.
A deep need to please
every person around me.

I was that girl,
depressed.
Trying to do it my way
and failing again and again
and again.
A vicious cycle,
spiraling deeper into the depths of Hell.

I was that girl,
confused.
Preferring pretty illusions
over the painful truth.

I was that girl,
bearing burdens
that weren't mine to carry.
Striving for perfection.
Rooted and grounded in inadequacy.

I was that girl
full of ugly rage.
Trying to change others.
Nothing wrong with me.

I was that girl,
incapable
of initiating love
or returning love.

I was that girl
asking,
where was God?
no answer.

I was that girl,
begging
for Him to fix everything.
Refusing to take the steps
I knew I had to take.

I was that girl
looking
to a person
for salvation.
Never satisfied.
Continually let down,
drowning in tears
every night.

I was that girl,
isolated
settling into the dark corner;
comfortable and safe,
forgetting what light was like.

I was that girl,
guided
to the light
by those He placed around me
living fully immersed
in the light.


I was that girl,
known
all along
by He who rescued me.


I am that girl,
set free
from the tight grip
of the enemy.

I am that girl,
covered
in salvation
not from a person,
only Jesus Christ.

I am that girl,
healed.
A bound up heart
pumping with new life.


I am that girl,
able
to love
and be loved.


I am that girl,
growing
everyday,
filled with joy,
and peace.
Rooted and grounded
in love and grace.

I am that girl,
living
in light
and changed
forever.