Day 3- Fighting for LOVE and second chances

I am WEARY! God, help me get through the day. I am so hungry.

I wake up this morning viewing God in a new light.  I watched the documentary, "Furious Love" the night before and it totally impacted my faith.  I learned and took to heart three very important truths.

1) There is an intense war going on in the spiritual realm that all believers are apart of.
2) Demons are very real and some really terrifying messed up things happen in this world every single day.
3) God's love is more important than ANYTHING else.

So, I wake up with the mindset that I am going to war today!  And I will fight against the spiritual powers of the dark world with the spirit of God in me!

Background info- There is a guy in my chem class who God has completely put on my heart to speak to and I have a couple times but he seems very isolated and I always have to go out of my way if I want to say anything to him.  He claims to be "a firm believer in God, but he is stuck in the things of this world like drunkenness and partying.

So, I leave home for class and I unexpectedly see him walking across the street.  I am completely caught off guard and get too scared to turn around and walk the opposite direction of my class to talk to him (my thought- "that would be so weird, especially since he doesn't want to talk to me anyway")  So I keep walking slowly, thinking maybe he will come up behind me... until it is too late for me to take any kind of action.  I go to class full of regret wondering how I am going to fight this war of love when fear is so crippling.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

After class, I ask God for a second chance. This week is the week for God's grace, that's for sure.  Man, I'm sorry God.  Praise Him for giving us second chances! If He hadn't, this week would just be an utter failure on my part.  Wow, my whole life would be a dark pit of failure if it weren't for God's mercy.  Lord, please help me to be a woman who takes advantage of the first chances because of your perfect love!

Anyway, I sit on my porch after class praying for boldness and strength and hoping the guy will walk by my house so I can talk to him..still afraid but willing to do it anyway.

The second I finished my prayer I see him coming down the sidewalk right in front of the house.  I get up without a thought and run over to him and ask if I can walk with him for a little bit.  He takes out his earphone and says, yeah.  As we walk it is a little awkward and we just talk about class and how he was excited that he got on the basketball team. Then, I blurt out, "you grew up in a christian home, right?" He looks at me a little caught off guard and says, yeah yeah.  Then I ask, "So, what do you believe about God?"
"I believe that Jesus is my savior and that he died for my sins and I believe everything in the Bible."
In my mind I'm thinkin', "nice sunday school answer there boy!" lol
Then I was a little quiet and said that's really awesome:)
He continued and said, I mean I still sin but......
I reassured him that everyone does...
Then I said with love in my heart, "I believe that God is trying to get a hold of you.  He wants to transform your life and he has incredible plans for you.  I'm not sure exactly how God is going to speak to you but I just know that He will"  He kinda smiled and said okay...thank you.

I left knowing that the Lord would speak and praying that He would the minute the guy walked into his apartment.

Wow, it is exhilarating doing the Lord's will even though I kinda felt like a freak but WHATE'ER!

Ephesians 6:12

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

        

What time is it?

To God be the GLORY for everything because He is the one who works in and through us! Hallelujah!

Day 2 of 3 of fasting.  I wake up from a great sleep which is awesome because last time I fasted I had trouble sleeping because of my intense hunger pangs.  Ready for the day, I go downstairs, drink water and start to pray, repenting of my stubbornness and asking God for greater faith and to show me anything He wants me to know today.  I feel great. God fills me and covers me with his mercy and grace.  I get ready for class slowly and weakly, then remind myself that the Lord is my strength which turns around my weary attitude.  I am late to class again, big surprise.

OKAY SO HERE'S WHERE IT GETS GOOD

Here I am minding my own business walking to class, praying off and on and wondering if the class has already started the daily quiz.  All of a sudden I hear a guy's voice, "Excuse me, what time is it?"  I stopped and for some reason came up the steps of the walkway to the front porch where a guy was sitting inquiring about the time.  I tell him.  He then asks if I have my phone to know the exact time and I tell him I don't have it, sorry-thinking he was messing with me.  Anyway, a big garbage truck drives by and is incredibly noisy, so I walk up even closer to see what he is saying..just small talk. Then, out of the blue he says, I believe God is my dad and He is mad at me because he keeps breaking my walkman.  Do you have a faith? He asks.  Yes , I say. I believe in God and follow Jesus.  JESUS? His face lights up and he summons me to sit next to him on his porch.  Talk to me, he says.  I'm a very lost and confused man.

Side note- This is the exact same house that I walked past yesterday and had the short chat with the two guys and then earnestly prayed for salvation for them.  I knew this was kind of like my second chance to do what God had asked of me yesterday, so I decided to forget about class and talk to this guy. even though it meant missing a quiz and 2 hour lab that I can't make up.

I sit down and he tells me he knows God is speaking to Him and get a hold of him but He also says that God hates him because he wants to be himself.  For the duration of our conversation, he is smoking pot, drinking pepsi, has tobacco in his mouth behind his lower lip, and is lighting cigarette butts getting all he can out of each one.

We talked for about an hour.  Our conversation consisted of him telling me some horrible things he had experienced in the military with heads being smashed, limbs being scattered, etc.   He talked about how he hates his life and that he is effed up.  He talked about how many different types of religions he believed in from being around the world and seeing these innocent people with these beliefs suffer horrendously.  He also told me that when God has told him to do something it has all worked out and he feels like God is calling him/forcing him to come to Him and give up who he is.  He told me how beautiful I was several times and I replied with a "thank you" which completely surprised him.  I guess most girls he hangs out with can't take a complement or don't believe they are created by the Lord in His image.  He said he was afraid to talk to girls because of a scab on his face.  He told me he was 27 and how he has had about seven girlfriends who seemed to have all left him and he still hasn't been able to figure out what he did wrong.  He said they all started with "getting in each other's pants" and I said, well there's a part of the problem right there! And he completely agreed!  I was like, that's not God's plan for relationships.  And he said, "I KNOW!  I used to think it was....Things always get weird after that happens."  He talked most of the time continuing about all the stuff he has gone through and experienced.  Telling me he is a bad person and taking a huff of pot and shaking his head whenever I started in about God, resisting like crazy.

Something totally amazing was when he started saying that I broke his CD player (remember, earlier he said that God broke it).  Like, he knew better than I did that the holy spirit is in me.  I replied with no I didn't.  You said God did.. And he said, Same thing.

Fundamental truths I spoke to him..
-God loves you the same as he loves me nomatter what you've done or who you are
-God doesn't want you to hate your life
-God has amazing plans for you and will use all of the horrible things you have experienced for good
-Your future can be glorious because of how God works out the bad
-God will not force you to do anything you don't want to

He then told me that a guy from my college group had come and prayed for him the other day while he was completely wasted and doing "crazy s#%t".  Which totally blew my mind! God is seriously trying to get a hold of you, I said.   He also said that the guy invited him to the college bible study tonight and he is going!  Praise the Lord.  God is in control and fights for the most unlikely people (not to mention uses the most unlikely people in His battle aka-ME).  I'm praying that God will really reveal Himself to him tonight.  Which, obviously God set all of this up in His perfect plan so that He could reveal Himself to him.  Thank you Jesus!

One more thing to add...

While I was on his porch, a homeless guy was there asking a question about the bottles he was collecting from their yard.  On my way home, I ran into the guy again and started talking to him in the back alley.  I just asked him how his day was going and he said it was good and he was just trying to get by, collecting cans for a little money.  He asked me about school and then was on my way shortly after.  When I came in the house, I knew I had to give him the entire full container of trail mix I just made the day before my fast.  I came outside and he wasn't there, but I just set it in his cart.  I hope he isn't allergic to nuts, I thought as I plopped it in his cart.  God knew he wasn't :)

I doubt I would've done that if I wasn't fasting, and half of it probably would've been gone by then too.  God is so good.  He is revealing to me more and more of who I am called to be in this world and showing me just how much He does and how little I do.  I want this abundant living all the time!  I know I can do nothing without God's love in me.  He really poured it in today.  I am seeing how God really meant it for good reason when he called his people to fast regularly.

For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things -Psalm 107:9

Three Days.

I am fasting for three days this week.  Trust me, this wasn't planned and I really didn't want to.  Who wants to starve for three days? not me.  Anyhow, I woke up Monday morning and God told me to..so, what's a girl to do?

Day 1:

I spent the morning in worship and seeking and asking for a vision.  I just really want to experience God like I never have before.  I am longing for something that I know for absolute fact that is not from my stupid imagination, but really GOD speaking.  He has given me things like this before, but like all humans, I forget and start believing God is not who He says He is.  Turns out, I didn't get a vision.  I knew though that I had a wall up that was blocking God and I realize it was a mistake telling Him what to do instead of asking Him how He wants to reveal Himself to me.

Later that day, I was praying and worshiping and God spoke directly to me. No doubt it was Him.  He asked me to get up and go out on Campus and talk to random people about Him.  I curled up in fear, begging Him not to ask me to do that.  I tried to convince myself that I just made it up in my mind and He really wasn't speaking to me.  But boy, did we have a conversation.  It was the picture of Jonah right in the middle of frat row.  So, I layed down contemplating why I was so dang afraid.  I was like paralyzed with fear.  So, finally I pleaded with God, " Can I just go out and pray for people I see?"  And so, that's what I did.  I know God had something better for me planned but I settled for less out of my STUPID fear.

It amazes me how I can be completely starving and yet still not completely trust God.  He is my only source of strength and yet I listen to and believe satan's lies and blatantly tell God "no".

So, I go out on this walk and pass the same house I walk by everyday.  There were a couple guys on the porch drinking beers.  I smile at them.
One guy, " How are you?"
"Pretty good. How are you guys doing?"
This turns into a short conversation and the guys invite me over for a bonfire sometime.  I thank them and leave telling them to have a good day!

I left with a spring in my step.  I get super excited when I talk to people that I don't know.  Probably because fear keeps me from doing it most of the time.  Also, I am just realizing more and more how we are all living in fear of being invisible to one another.  No wonder it is so exciting when we get to know people and share love. Reality check.  We are all just people, all the same, and all part of God's great plan.

Anyway, I prayed earnestly for them as I left that they would come to know God and experience Him and that any false beliefs that they have about Him would be torn down.