I just finished reading the book, Blue Like Jazz. I feel like it changed my life in some way. The whole time I was reading it, like every other paragragh, I was thinking, "wow, this book is so good. this book is so good." And I got such an excited feeling inside me like I wanted to tell the whole world how good this book is..but alas, I was in my silent living room where only the fruit flies in the kitchen trash cans would hear me if I did indeed shout it out at the top of my lungs.
And then I think, other people probably didn't even think the book was that good(not like me at least) and I wonder why I liked it so much and why other people would say, "oh yeah that book was really good" while I'm like, HEY WORLD READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!
I think I liked it so much because I never was a "reader". Growing up, I prefered to watch Spongebob on Nickelodeon rather than reading a book that put me to sleep ;-). Yeah, I know I sound lazy. But I'm realizing maybe it was because I never found the good books, the ones that actually captivate me like this one.
The book reminded me right away of the book, Catcher in the Rye, which I read in High School only because it was required for my English class. I loved that book dearly, well the first half at least. What makes Blue Like Jazz and Catcher in the Rye so great is that they are just plain down to earth real and honest. Nothing is wrong or bad to say. It just is. These guys are just spewing thoughts out of their heads whether other people agree with them or not. And they are hilarious, too. They make me feel normal which is such a breath of fresh air and they inspire me to be myself and not try to fit into something that I'm not, to say what I think and do what I want without worrying so much about other people.
I really want to read it through again just so I can write down all of the quotes that made me crack up or think or question my own life. Reading that book made me feel like so much of my life is just fake, like I am not honest with God or myself and that's what thrusts me into a rut so much of the time.
It made me look at how I interact with the people around me. A lot of the time, in relationships, I stay at a distance, on guard against being messed with or rejected. So, instead (much of the time) of being a part of conversations, I am analyzing them, analyzing the person I'm talking to, evaluating myself, as if I'm watching a TV show even while I am listening and responding. Yeah, messed up, right? Well this book has completely changed how I interact with people. I do still fall into the old way of interaction at times but I am so much more involved now and have learned how to actually enjoy conversations with people.
Blue Like Jazz showed me love in a way I had never seen it before. It exposed my secrets and faults as a "Christian." and it made me want to run from everything that isn't real and just be honest before God and to myself. I guess it just showed me how freaking judgemental I can be and how I really do view unbelievers in a different way than Christians. But how can I do that? We are all human. All created the same. Same thoughts, same emotions, same desires, same tendency to pull away from God and indulge in our sinful nature. So, I'll get to the point. Blue Like Jazz showed me to love everyone the same. To show people that I love them and to let them love me and most of all to let God love me and receive that love so that all of this is possible!
This brings me to my next point. I realized that even when people have not accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, they have a large capacity to love. I have not really thought about this before and I hadn't treated those who don't know Jesus as though this is a true fact. I believe this is because we were all created in the image of God. I know that when we do believe and confess the death and resurrection of Jesus for us, we receive the Holy Spirit and when we are walking in that, that's when the capacity to love surpasses everything you've ever known or understood. I think that when we see unbelievers loving at a greater capacity than believers, it means that believers have gotten caught up in do's and don'ts and in fearing man over fearing God. It is the Holy Spirit within us that brings the love inside all of us to a God kind of love. With the holy spirit we are capable of loving others as Jesus loved us. We are capable of loving the man who murdered our son. We are capable of loving the woman who stole our husband. We are capable of loving the girl who turned everyone against us in high school. We are capable of loving the boy who ripped out our heart and tore it to pieces. We are capable of loving the people who reject us and hate us.
After I read this book, I started to really show people love when I conversed with them. It changed my conversations radically. I was no longer thinking about what I would say next or asking myself, "why would they say that?" or thinking how I wanted to be done with the conversation because it was stressful to me and drained me of energy. Now, I was just talking to them radiating love to them, thinking about loving them and trusting that they love me. Or if they don't, or if I just don't know them well enough, I'll tell myself that they want to love me and that if they don't end up loving me, God loves me (no matter what every moment) and I don't need to earn anyone's love. My only task is to love. Receive love from God. Love God in return. Love Myself. and Love others.
